Living in Sisu

Midnight Cupcakes

2008-01-26T23:19:00.000-08:00

Nothing really makes me hungry like a long run, particularly in the cold, and if I take a nap after I run, as I did today, I usually wake up starving. First I crave salt, so I hit the pretzels or corn chips (check), then I need water to hydrate (check), and then I crave baked goods like there is no tomorrow, and given that it's usually about 11:00/midnight when these ridiculous cravings attack, and I'm honestly hungry, not just munchy, I often end up baking something for myself to satisfy my sweet tooth.

Tonight's winner: Buttermilk Cupcakes and Lemon Cream Cheese Frosting. The best part of course is sampling the batter along the way (OMG YUM!!), and this time I made my own buttermilk for the first time (do people actually keep buttermilk around anyway?). I love anything with cream cheese frosting and lemon...and I added a hint of almond to the batter and it was oh so good.

And then of course, the additional perks of getting to wear my Marimekko apron and the therapeutic release of using small electronic kitchen appliances just add to the fun. I did discover that I dislike cooking out of cookbooks that don't have the nutritional content listed...I'm a bit skeptical. I used the first (and only) cookbook my husband ever owned, "How to Cook Everything." I always sort of mocked it...but since my new Cooking Light cookbook is lost somewhere in the house...it was the best option. And I have to say I was quite impressed. I'm always a little worried when I improvise with recipes (Katie E. knows exactly why such concern should arise) like not sifting my cake flour (the horror!), using salted butter (no!) instead of unsalted...and doing a mediocre low speed whip job because my $9 hand mixer from Menard's has only 10 speeds. High, Extra High, Super Extra High, and Other Really Really Ridiculously High Speeds I have yet to use because it covers me and my kitchen with flying bits of batter.

And then sadly, there's one in every batch. The casualty. The cupcake martyr. It was a very sad moment for this little guy, but then of course Pinot realized she DID actually like lemon cream cheese frosting and all was right with the world and our floor was a bit cleaner.

Voila!! Delicious. I'll definately enjoy my swim tomorrow!!!

My First Half Marathon

2008-01-26T13:33:00.000-08:00

Today I ran in my first half marathon. The Securian Frozen Half Marathon, part of the Saint Paul Winter Carnival. When I think about it I suppose it is a bit crazy that I went from a handful of 5k and 10K races straight to doing two full marathons in a year, never doing anything in- between. In my mind I always figured if I can ski for hours, I could do a marathon, really not acknowledging that training for a marathon and running one is nothing like skiing 35 kilometers. As I always say, "there is NO glide in running." But, if I had done a half marathon first, I don't think I would have been as delighted as I was this morning to discover how much I liked running a mere 13.1 miles! I think I can safely say now that 13 miles seemed short, my legs felt so light, I was hardly sore, and was just giddy with how fun it was. I ran with my friend Linda and helped her take 10 minutes off her previous time which was awesome! I know I can run faster if I'm running for just me, so it will be interesting to see how much I like the distance it after I run one that way. But for now, I'm totally sold on them. Granted I still loved running the two full marathons I've done, and I'm already looking forward to the Twin Cities Marathon in October, that is if I can hold out and not sign up for Grandma's Marathon in June. (It's so tempting!!) But it is exciting and a bit more relaxing to envision a spring and summer of training for shorter races and seeing how well I can do. And not having to get up quite so early to get my runs in on Saturday mornings. I can run faster, train a bit faster, and not have to deal with the same kind of physical impact and wear and tear on my body.

We took a photo (above) of the Salubrians at the race (from L to R, Linda, Melissa (Supermel), Caren, Bill, and Kerstin (nordicski).

The race today was just plain fun. After a ridiculous 45 minutes of changing my clothes every 5 minutes, because it was just too warm, or was it too cold?- I couldn't figure out what to wear. Was there wind? I think I felt wind! We finally lined up outside and it was chilly, but it was the perfect kind of chilly you want to feel before running or a ski race. It was a fun crowd...only a motley crew would get up early on a Wintery morning and come out to run in Minnesota, especially given that last year the temperature hovered around freezing. But today it was 18 degrees!!! And it felt like 8 degrees!! It was so hot...we could hardly cope!! It's crazy to think that 48 hours ago it was -15 in cities! At the race, there were in fact four people I saw running in shorts and one man in a singlet with bare arms. I'm not that crazy...at least not yet.

The first 5 miles went by so fast, mainly because it was an out and back race so my friend Linda and I were amused watching the winners zoom by us on their way in (we first saw them after we'd been running only 45 minutes!!!) and then we started looking for our speedier friends to come by. Somewhere in there my friend Sage's partner Barb appeared with a big grin and a sign with my name on it!! "Go Kerstin"....and in small print at the bottom, "pronounced with a Norwegian Accent." It was awesome. I had a fan!! How cool was that. It was a high efficiency sign, as Sage's Go Sage (in a Ukrainian or Russian accent??) was on the other side. Funnily enough, another cheerer that was right next to Barb kept calling me Sage the whole rest of the race which made me smile. But I was fine with that because Sage is MUCH easier to pronounce then my name. Had I corrected him it would have probably turned into a 15 minute conversation about Swedish linguistics and grammar.

The mile before the turn around did seem to be deceptively long, but Linda said we would likely hear the turn around before we saw it and she was right. We saw a friend from our running group, Mary, (who unfortunately just broke her ankle on a run) at the turn around, had a few hugs and kept going. We kept up our run/walk, 4:1 method the whole time and it felt so great. I love that system. I noticed on the miles where we skipped the walk for whatever reason my body would nag me and say, Hey! You're supposed to walk a bit. On the way back things were quieter, the crowd was thinning out more. There was a woman in purple running in Minnie Mouse Ears with a sign on her back that said "It's Just Like Florida..." so that entertained us for a while. I wondered if she had just run Disney and was happy about the smaller crowd. I did get a bit colder on the way back and we started to slow down a bit, but we kept going. We added a bit more walking in and it felt good to stretch out. We kept going and were nearing downtown Saint Paul again. I could tell Linda was getting a wee bit tired because she wasn't smiling anymore!! But, she was so right when she said "you can do anything for 4 minutes!." We kept going and we could see the turn back up to the finish line. That hill was steep! We walked the hill and then ran through the finish, very happy to be done. 2:23:20 was my time and I was very happy with that. Linda had a fabulous PR of 10 minutes!! I was worried I'd run too fast for her...but I think she'll run with me again!! :)

We cheered a bit more then got some food. We got nifty little mugs with snowflakes on them (and people know I LOVE snowflakes)and they came with little spoons attached to the handle so you could stir your cocoa. It will be oh so cute on my desk at work. Melissa, Sage and I went out for breakfast after which was great. Now I have to find another half marathon to do soon....I don't think I can wait until the SLC Half in April!!

I also have to post these next photos. That's Chris (the husband), Erin (the sister, who ran Grandma's with me and is running SLC Half with me), and Me skiing at the golf course near my house. I think we're laughing because Sage had just fallen down trying to take our photo!

And the next photo is our crazy cat Pinot with her crazy eyes playing the tail game which she plays for hours every evening. That darn tail is just always hovering just out of reach!!

New Do

2007-12-07T19:53:00.000-08:00

I did it. I cut all my hair off. It was SO freeing. I have been grinning ever since and feel so great. Startingly, I even managed to turn a few heads at the mall!! (imagine my surprise, I don't thing that has ever happened before, or at least I never noticed...I finally ducked into the bathroom to see if my fly was down or something was stuck to my shirt....)

Here's the proof! Scroll down for a "before" photo at my friend's brother's wedding. Long and boring. Now I have fun hair!!!!!!!!

This is the haircut I always wanted but didn't

know it. I am armed with my Rough Paste and Volumizing Lotion...so it's going to be a fun weekend. I can make it sleep or tousled or messy or even stick straight up in all directions! It's great!

And hey, maybe I'll even lose a 1/4 lb more at my weigh in on Tuesday!...or at least a few ounces!

Christmas all around

2007-12-02T19:46:00.000-08:00

Well, I have officially gotten into the Christmas season. My first christmas tree is up in our house and I love it and all it's scandinavian splendor. We already probably have enough ornaments to outfit two trees! We also go the train set up around the tree, but we are short a few sets of tracks to make a full circle...but we can go back and forth and the cat loves it. We also gave our skiers a place of honor. Nevermind that half of one of the string of lights at the bottom has already stopped working, I still love the feeling the tree gives to the house and how it looks through the window when you drive up the driveway.

I also got together with some friends and make christmas cookies and frosted and decorated them. It was the most fun I'd had in a long time!! I think I could be a professional cookie baker if I could avoid eating the bits!

Frosty, the Runner

2007-12-01T15:02:00.000-08:00

Well, I did it. I finally got over my I don't want to run outside in the winter weather because it's cold and I'm not ready for winter blues and had my first great cold weather run. I ran a beautiful 7 miles down the Gateway trail. Getting out the door was another story. I dragged out my ski bags which hold most of my cold weather running/skiing gear and basically made a big running clothing heap in the basement and still never found my favorite Craft long underwear top (but had the bottoms), nor my favorite running/skiing jacket (just plain gone), but I did rediscover my favorite blue snowflake hat (the one my sister always tries to steal!) and my favorite aqua running turtle neck and fleece lined running tights, smartwool socks, Craft sports bra liner, and super awesome running glove/mitten combos. Those gloves have to be the best thing I ever bought.

I was out early enough noone else was braving the weather yet and I was surrounded for the most part by trees on the trail so the wind was minimal. However, the wind was pretty nippy on my way out, but on the way back it was almost non existant even though I could see the snow blowing sideways. I did wish I had my face mask in the end....but I survived unscathed. In the end my hat was frozen to my forehead, my eyelashes had turned into icicles, and I had frost forming on my chin and cheeks. Here's proof of my frosty face!

Along the way I discovered a few things. First, my Garmin does not like to work properly in cold weather. I ended up stuffing it up my sleeve to keep it warm and working. I think I'll create a Garmin cozy for it. I also discovered that I really like running in a few fresh inches of snow because it cushions every step I take. Nothing hurt at all or even get twingy on my run. I felt like I was running on cusions and pillows the whole way and when I had to run under the bridges and overpases where the snow couldn't reach the ashpalt was cold and hard and jolting.

All in all, it was a great starter winter run. I'm happy I finally began my half marathon training. January 26th will be here before I know it, and next comes SLC in April. I also discovered that if you are covered in icicles and frost that you start melting instantly and leave little puddles of water around the house. But Pinot loved drinking the drips.

DH and I also picked up our first marital christmas tree! I am so excited. I have been collecting scandinavian christmas ornaments and decorations my whole life and I am finally going to have my own Swedish tree like my family had growing up. We also have our first train set from my parents to set up around the base of our tree, another family tradition. We don't have the whole village yet, but that will come in time. The christmas tree almost fit inside my ski box...but not quite, just about a foot too long! We thought the car looked very festive. We braved the winter storm we got today and managed to get to Minneapolis and back, not ending up in a ditch, unlike many of our other road patrons. Why people who own large cars need to emphasize their apparent importance and idiocy by driving 60 mph during the first snow storm of the year befor the plows have cleared the freeways while the rest of us are driving 30-45 I will never understand.

And, in keeping with Christmas cheer, DH had a great time snow blowing our 'new and improved' driveay that he worked so hard to smooth out. (The old pieces of the middle of our driveway are currently in a huge pile in the garage. Now that the snow is here we'll have to be more aggressive at slowly dumping them in dumpsters so we can park in the garage!) We inherited a gently used snow blower from a friend, as well as a leaf blower. As the proud new owners of a lawnmower, snowblower, and a leaf blower...we're ready for just about anything. Here it is! (Mom, this photo's for you!-don't mind the closed eyes)

As for the weight loss, I officially re-joined weight watchers this past week to lose the 11 lbs I've gained. So, I'm on the right track. It's been a LONG time since I religiously counted points so it's been a bit of an adjustment, but we'll see how I did on Tuesday. I'm sort of pretending I'm joining for the first time and it's been about 3 years since I made lifetime...so it's sort of is. I'm just happy to be moving in the right direction.

One more photo...DH learned how to use the timer function on my camera. So mom, you can see where in the house our tree is!

Portland

2007-10-16T18:18:00.000-07:00

Chris and I spent a great weekend in Portland, Oregon following my marathon. The occaision was my best childhood friend, Leah's brother's wedding. We had a wonderful time and enjoyed seeing friends and celebrating. We stayed at the funky Jupiter Hotel which had chalkboards as doors which we enjoyed writing on. My favorite place was the Japanese Gardens where Chris and I and all the other spectators fought with amateur photogaphers to get the elusive photo of the bridge and trees with noone gawking on it. We amazingly lucked out. I love this photo!!

The wedding was fun. This is my best childhood friend and her fiance Val (or Prince Valiant as we call him in Minnesota!) I hadn't seen my friend in 15 months, so we had a blast together. I can't wait for her wedding next July! Here's one of us together.

We stayed at the Jupiter hotel where our door was a giant chalkboard, so we were able to write fun quotes on the door each day. We also had a huge green fuzzy pillow on our bed that looked like a giant fluffy pickle.

We also lucked out in that our hotel was right next to the best restaurant in Portland, the Douglas Fir. They have some of the best food ever. Now, I'm not a french toast conisseaur, but my sister is. And, I almost never order french toast, but this was by far the best french toast I have ever had. Chris and I had a moment for my sister when this french toast arrived, because we realized if we had been on a french toast quest the grail had arrived. And, this french toast was made out of croissants. Nuf said. It rocked. And, I ate all of it.

Marathon #2

2007-10-16T17:48:00.000-07:00

HOT!!!

I woke up at 6am and it was already 70 degrees. There was NO breeze in the sky. I couldn’t believe it. Just a few days ago they were predicting thunderstorms all day! I ate my breakast and thanked my sleepy husband as he dropped me off at the shuttle parking lot. I could feel the energy and I was excited and nervous. I was doing this again!

I met up with my running team at the Metrodome in downtown Minneapolis and we all took photos and wrote our names on our arms. I lined up at the 5:00 mark with my friend Linda and we waited. The gun went off and we started walking about 6 minutes later. Prior to the start several people in my group said they were going to just run the first 2 miles or maybe just try walking the water stops. I was tempted, but I knew I wasjust going to do what I’d always done, run 4 minutes and walk 1 minute. My teammates passed me and one of them said.."Go Kerstin" (pronouning my name correctly!!) and laughing said "That's the only time today it will be prounounced correctly!!!" And she was right (aside from when I passed my family and friends that is....). After about 5 minutes my left shin started burning and throbbing. I started walking and massaging it thinking this is not good!! People kept telling me to keep running, thinking I was already tired... but my leg was killing me. I tried to calm myself down, and tried to run in out, but it still hurt. This was not the marathon start I was hoping for!!! I just kept moving, trying to breath and relax. Only at about mile 3 did I finally realize I couldn’t feel it anymore-thankfully!

But, I kept going. I was super hot and drenched with sweat almost instantly. Thinking, maybe not carrying my own water was not a good idea, but it was so nice to not have the weight of the water on my waist. The first few water stops were totally chaotic. The volunteers were not prepared and they didn’t have any cups full of water or PowerAde and they were running out of water. I didn’t understand why all the water and PowerAde was on one side of the street, so all the runners were crowded in, stacked up 5-6 people waiting, pushing for fluids. It was really frustrating and I was tempted to just skip them, but I knew it was too hot to do that. I had to get a little aggressive to get my water, but I just did what I had to do. Some of the volunteers were so overwhelmed and knocking cups over trying to pour the water so fast. I almost wanted to hop around the water table and help! By mile 6 I was already feeling that Grandma’s marathon was much better run and organized. The next two water stops were equally as chaotic and frustrating, many people were skipping them. I didn't understand why they didn't have water stations on both sides of the street, especially in the early section of the race until the runners had thinned out.

I was feeling good, but started to tire early, around mile 7-8, I wasn’t sure why. My left hamstring and hip was so tight from falling down the stairs the previous week due to my cute cat Pinot, I was hoping it would stay loose longer, but no such luck. I may have started out a bit fast, but my Garmin said I was right on target, but I felt fatigued as if I was going faster. By mile 10 I was feeling pretty nauseous, perhaps the GU and all the fluids I was taking because it was so hot. This had only happened once before, and that was a really hot training run. The nausea lasted about 2 hours, until about mile 20. That was a really lone time to not feel so hot! But I just kept moving. Thinking about the next mile marker. I had to make two bio breaks which was new for me. I kept running, looking for a short bathroom line but they were all really long. Still hoping to get under 5 hours I followed another runner into the yard of a house undergoing remodeling that had a porta potty on the side lawn. Luckily it was open. No line there!! The second time I had to wait about 6 minutes to go, but there is nothing worse then running when you have to go!

I kept looking for my family and friends who I thought would be out there, and that really kept me going. I didn’t see any of them until about mile 20-21…and I was so glad they were there. They gave me energy. I kissed my husband and hugged my sister and my friend Katie ran along side me for a bit. I ran up onto the Lake street bridge, finally making the turn into Saint Paul. I was hoping to get a second wind, waiting for it to come, but it didn't. Not this time. I was disappointed, but I finally had to let the 5 hour pacer go, and adjusted my time expectations. It took me a few minutes to mentally get in a positive zone again. I kept up my walk/run cycle the whole time and walked all the water stops. I could definitely tell the gradual hills were taking a toll on my legs. A women I skied with in college ran with me a bit and my super fast coworker saw me on Summit and ran with me a bit, that really helped. (Thanks Sage!!)

Once I got to Summit avenue about 22 miles…I was in survival mode, but still having fun. I was so glad people were out with their hoses and oranges and bananas. I wished I had salt tablets with me. Around mile 22 my fingers started to swell, turned white around the knuckles, and I knew that wasn’t a good sign and I started drinking everything I could. In the past, when that has happened to me I know that’s the first signs of heat stress and dehydration in me. I was able to stop the swelling, but I could barely bend my fingers, and my wedding rings were stuck on! I learned never to run in my rings again!! I kept going, up the gradual hill of Summit Ave. Those 3-4 miles of gradual uphill were sure a killer especially after you’ve run 20 miles!

I kept up my running and walking, saying I could do anything for 4 minutes. I thought, I’ll just keep running when I have 2 miles to go, but couldn’t do it. I thought I’ll keep running until I have 1 mile to go…but even that was to hard. As soon as I saw the hill arc down and I could see the state capitol and a guy said only 1/3 mile to go…I kept running. I sure hoped he was right, I didn’t think I could do much more!! And then I could see the finish line. I passed my coach (and Melissa-Supermel who was right next to her), passed my in-laws, and just kept pushing to the finish line. I crossed it and staggered on in. Exhausted, but knowing I had given it my all. My chip time as 5:02:18. and although I had wanted to go under 5 hours I was proud to have finished! I was hoping to be able to go faster given that Grandma’s was also really hot and humid, but that’s ok. Now I have a Twin Cities time to beat next year!

I was also really disappointed in the food after…there was no source of protein at all and I was too tired to peel an orange. But, the chicken/veggie broth was probably a sodium lifesaver!! I wish they would give runners little food bags because I kept dropping my food and water on the ground because I was so tired I couldn’t’ hold it all and eat and drink and the same time and didn’t want to stop moving. I finally used my space blanket as a sort of makeshift carrying vessel!! I sat on the grass, watching people come in and then we headed to our favorite diner for some much needed lunch. I also think I learned I can’t really indulge like I want to after a marathon, the burger and milkshake I ate also made be very nauseous. So…I had a great time the second time around, and learned a lot too. I am proud I did it and can’t wait for my next marathon.

It's been 10 days post marathon and I still like them. I must be crazy!!! I'm about ready to start back into my regular workout regimen. I am so proud of myself for doing it again, but now I am going to focus on losing the 10 lbs I've gained in training for the past 2 marathons. I'll definately feel much more like myself when I'm back to my goal. I'm looking forwar to cooler weather, snow and winter sports!

21 Miles: Check!

2007-09-17T19:17:00.000-07:00

I did it! I got through my 21 miler. It was the most wonderful run I've had since I started training for Twin Cities back in July. I so needed to have an awesome run, both to convince myself that I could do another marathon physically speaking and mentally. I overslept, so I woke up rushed, at 6:11 to be exact. My run started at 6:30 and was 20 minutes away if I knew exactly where I was going and I didn't. I flung myself out of bed exclaiming not so nice words and tore around the bedroom and the house finding my clothes, various watches, Gu, socks, water, etc. I finally left the house, only to get lost thinking I knew more then mapqwest, and then finally arrived and Hidden Falls, amazingly only 15 minutes late and my group was just leaving. I wove through them as I drove in and smiled sheepishly.

I was actually sort of glad I was behind the big group. My plan was to do my own thing, run much slowe then I had been, to see if my knee and foot pain would subside. My long slow runs and lately become just long runs, not long SLOW runs. I was basically running race pace, and I knew I needed to go MUCH slower. The group of women I have been running with, most of them were new to marathons, and the veterans were a bit faster then me, so the pace was off for me I finally realized, after week upon week of crappy long runs with a wierd knew knee pain and bizarre foot twinges.

I started running and tried to avoid the bizarre feeling of my pants. They felt so strange. What was going on? I was wearing my favorite navy capris I bought at Walmart of all places when I was looking for last minute painting clothes when my husband inadvertantly brought home my painting clothes as we painted our new house before moving in. I love these pants. They are lose, not tight, nothing bulges unsightly, they have zippers on the bottoms so you can let your calves free, and they have awesome pockets. So, I was a bit unnerved that my favorite pants were failing me now, not even 1/84th of a mile into my run. I looked down at to my dismay saw that I had put my capri tights on backwards as I dressed frantically in the dark before bolting from my house. I looked right, noone but path, I looked left, and saw two other runners from my group. Behind me was a very thin patch of brush. I was wearing bright pink underwear. But, not wanting to delay my run anymore I took a deep breath and stripped of my pants, forgetting however that tights do not slip easily over running shoes and nearly cast myself down onto the moist ground with my pants down around my feet! I finally managed to get my pants off and then on again without flashing too many people. I suppose enough ski races in sub zero temperatures where you will do ANYTHING to get off your wet sports bra and underwear took away most of my natural modesty. However, each year when I do the Lake Loppet race in Minneapolis I am still startled when there are naked, tired skiers changing nonchalantly in the middle of Calhoun Square. Spandex doesn't hide much, so skiers in general are hardly shy about their bodies.

So, I finally start running and it doesn't feel great, but I'm running, nothing hurts. Hooray! The first 2.2 miles felt like the longest ever. I thought it was because I didn't have my Garmin (I'd forgotten it), but I've realized it just takes be a good 30-60 minutes to warm up. The first 4-5 miles always suck. I'd run and cross train more this past week though and I think that helped. I kept running and caught up to the group I typically run with. I run 4 minutes and walk 1 minute. The group does 5:1. For whatever reason I've discovered that 4:1 is the perfect combo for me. So I'm always a bit off the group if they're not following my lead. I kept moving ahead and behind the group which was a bit obnoxious. They kept asking me to join in and so finally I did and switched over to 5:1. Within two reps everything hurt. I realized that I had to do the combo that worked for me. I kept running and before I knew it I was 14 miled down. I still felt great. I ran with another woman in my runnin club for a bit at a faster clip and then slowed down again. I was starting to feel like this marathon could really happen! I got ahead of the group at one of the water stops. I have discovered I'm an in and out kind of person at the water stops, rather then a leisurely break person, particularly when I'm having a good run, and I was. I wanted to keep going and see what kind of time frame I could finish in. I kept running and felt strong. I passed a few other people from my club who did not look happy. I wondered if they'd ever tried walking a bit? It is amazing to me the resistance to running and walking. These people had years of experience on me but they looked pretty miserable. I felt lucky to know my body and to have figured out what worked well for me. When I got to the last turn around I was tired. My knee had flared up a mile back and I had walked it out, hoping I could finish. I picked up the pace the last mile as I imagined doing in this marathon, like I did in Grandmas and all of a sudden I could see myself at the finish line. The emotions, the adrenaline, it was all the same. I pushed myself, mentally affirming my goals and my body. I was strong, fit, I could do it. I finished in 3 hours 54 minutes. I was psyched. I was ready. Bring on the marathon. I was ready for taper. My knee was hella sore, I wondered how I'd feel tomorrow. I enjoyed a bagel and cream cheese, a rare treat for me and a banana and headed out. I felt overjoyed and so proud of myself. I can't wait for October 7th. I might actually be able to PR...I'd love to break 5 hours again, and to PR would be the icing on the cake. I really might be addicted to this marathon thing!!

I didn't sleep well that night, I was visiting my sister and never sleep well on new beds. I woke up and didnt' feel to bad. My knee was a little tender, but I took some advil and went on my day and eventually almost forgot I had run 21 miles! Now, 2 days later I feel great. I am so excited to run in this race. To top it all off I was down 1.6 lbs this week. Only 6.4 to go until I'm back to lifetime and 11.4 to go for my perosnal goal. I'd love to make that my new years so I feel good in my spandex ski suit, becaues like I said, it hides NOTHING. I've formed a team with some other skiing buddies to ski in a series of ski races this winter, and I don't want to let them down. So here's to a great fall of training! I definately found my inspiration and that amazing stubborness and drive that surfaced last June has bubbled to the surface again. I'm glad it's still in there. It's sort of neat to feel fierce once in a while.

Today I taught swim lesson and then swam for an hour afterwards for cross training. It felt great. I finally am feeling a bit more like myself. It's so nice.

Best day ever

2007-09-10T20:13:00.000-07:00

This has been the best day ever. Nothing really spectacular has happened. I didn't wake up feeling refreshed or well rested, in fact I woke up late, feeling crabby and annoyed. I didn't have anything super yummy for lunch or any exciting event planned after work Yet, somehow the day just has been one of the best I've had in a long time. The work day didn't drag on, I had an impromptu lunch with my amazing friend Kim at one of our favorite law school haunts, The Black Sea, ( I love the Meze Platter) a fabulous Turkish restaurant in Saint Paul near Hamline University. I teach swimming lessons at a local YMCA and I was dreading a bit the loss of my free time as I will be at the Y two evenings a week. But the kids were ok, and still basically remembered how to swim. I then stuck around the Y, after blowing my workout off on Sunday, and at lunch today to have lunch with Kim, and had a great 4 mile run on the track of all places (I usually hate the track), and then lifted upper body weights and did a bit of ab work. I closed down the gym at 9 and came home and wasn't even starving so I calmly ate some mostly core foods.

It's been a while since I've been in such a good mood on such an ordinary day, but I'll take it. I had the feeling all day that I am a very lucky person. I have a job I really like, great friends, a wonderful, loving husband, for which I thank my lucky stars every day, and a body that functions and does what I want it to most of the time. I was sitting on the shoulder press machine waiting my one minute rest in between my level 7 and 8 rep and reading an article on Rachel Ray. I've never been much of a fan, but the article (of course) was centered on how she stays fit and still enjoys cooking all that food. She has some very matter of fact advice, something like"Life is too short to be a size zero. I'm never going to be that. I don't want to be that. I just buy clothes with stretch and enjoy my life. I don't deny myself, just focus on the good, healthy, wholesome things."

I've noticed that whenever I have days like these, seemingly wonderful days for no apparent reason, that I start to question my quest to be thinner. Sure, I can see both sides of the argument (there's that legal education again), but do I really want to spend the rest of my life dealing with cognitive dissonance over weight issues? I know weight issues will never entirely go away. You don't work really hard and lose 65 lbs and not have weight matters simply go away. Many people will tell you that maintenance is far harder then losing the weight, and I didn't' think anything would ever be harder then that. Sure, I'm 10 lbs over my weight watchers goal and my favorite no stretch (sorry Rachel) size 12 Express jeans don't fit right now, and I see them every morning draped over my reading nook chair, but some days they're just not worth any stress. I might not be as thin as I want to be, but I am happy, healthy, and have so many things to be thankful for. It's on days like these I really appreciate perspective. I just read online about the Buffalo football player who will likely never walk again after trying to tackle the opposing team's player and shattered his spine. Skinny jeans aren't worth that.

I was reading Nancy Clark's Sport's Nutrition Guide the other night and she wrote "every day you can choose to lose weight, maintain weight, or gain weight." It's your choice. You don't have to lose weight every day. And that's ok. In her book, she encourages a woman who's downfall is ice cream (that's me!) to have ice cream twice a week for lunch- the woman soon discovered she doesn't crave it when she can have it whenever. It was like I'd never read that part before, when I've read it dozens of time. It made so much sense this time around. You have to be kind to yourself. Rigidity doesn't work. That I know. Nancy Clark also writes about a body's set point. The point at which the body is happy- doesn't have a hard time maintaining this weight, but will fight going below. I think I have definitely found my set point, and while it is higher then my WW goal, and those skinny jeans don't quite fit, I at least know where my body tends to settle. It's taken about 3 years, but I finally figured that out. My goal is still to get into those skinny jeans and still fit in my clothes that make me feel the best, but I think I have to reframe my motive in order to get there. I think I can accomplish my goals by focusing on the wholesome, healthy foods and not denying myself the things I like. But make sure they are really worth it. Don't indulge in mediocre food. Life is definately too short to eat mediocre food!

I am reading the book "What to Eat"-about food politics and marketing and how we choose what to eat amongs the barrage of choices. Did you know there are about 430,000 food products available on any given day and the average supermarket and restaurant offers 30,000-40,000 of them!! The author has a mantra "eat less, move more, focus on fruit and vegetables." It seems so simple. If I can pick one of those aspects to think about each day my healthy choices won't seem so difficult or irrelevant.

In a world where it's so hard to find healthy snacks on the run, I find it becoming more and more a personal affront that I can't find something without high fructose corn syrup or sugar or modified something or else in it. For example, I recently visited my parents in Salt Lake City, Utah over labor day weekend. On the way back I was waiting for my flight, and knew I would get hungry in the air. Not wanting to have to succumb to the $2 craptastic trail mix (it was really bad) offered by Northwest these days I set off to try to find something reasonably healthy and not too expensive. But, to literally no avail. My options- The airport book/gift stores, meaning candy, salted nuts, prepackaged sugar foods and soda. Burger King. Pizza Hut. TCBY. Quiznos. Rock Mountain Chocolate Factory (at least they weren't hiding their marketing perogative). That's it. I was appalled as I compared these pathetic options to the Twin Cities Airport, where at least you could get an overpriced $9 salad at The Damico and Son's or French Meadow stands. There was nothing like that in the Salt Lake Airport. I wondered if the International Wing would be any better, but I somehow doubted it. Probably more americanized junk in case we missed it too badly abroad. So, I wandered aimlessly around the mini food court, thinking about just opting for a chunk of fudge at the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Company, where I knew exactly what I was getting myself into, or considering whether the TCBY frozen yogurt would taste any better then a Wendy's frosty made from powder and sugary milk when I spotted the second to last yogurt parfait in the cooler at Quiznos. I was bit skeptical of it's quality. But it proclaimed 'freshness' and 'low-fatness' and 'high calciumness'- how could I go wrong. It looked iffy. The fruity dividing lines were watery and faint, indicating the formerly frozen status of the blueberries, but I couldnt' really argue. It did after all have the nutritional information and if it was even remotely accurate, it wasn't so bad. I wondered about the sugar in the yogurt and gave it an inquisitive squeeze. This had potential. It would either be super awesome giving my rising hunger level or plain awful. I gave it a shake. The granola was a but clumpy and looked distinctly like a mashed up Nature's Valley granola bar, but I was willing to try it. I also bought a banana. Ok- so they did have baskets of fruit, selling slightly brown $2 bananas. Not too inspiring. Nearly $8.50 later, I took my feast back to the gate. It had taken me so long they were already boarding the plane. As I stood there clutching my wares, I looked around and made eye contact with a few other lost souls I had acknowledged in the food court when searching for healthy options. They both gave me a wry smile and a look of 'what else could I do?'-I looked down and grasped in both of their hands, was a yogurt parfait and a banana. And in the end, the granola totally was a broken up Nature's Valley granola bar...but it was pretty tasty. I thought of my coworker Sage, who has an affinity for Super Target yogurt parfaits and made a mental note to try one next time we journeyed to Target for mid morning nourishment.

Four Weeks to Go

2007-09-09T20:32:00.000-07:00

So, I have four weeks to go until I run my second marathon, the Twin Cities Marathon. I have always wanted to run a marathon, but if someone had told me at this time last year that I would be running two marathons next year, I probably would have laughed. This time last year my husband and I were getting excited about our local wedding reception...marathons were FAR from my brain. I was just excited to wear my wedding dress again! So as the weeks before I again line up at the start line in the wee hours of the morning start to fly by I find myself thinking back on how I got into this in the first place.

As I started training for my first marathon, Grandma's Marathon, up in Duluth, MN, I realized how much I liked the distance, the focus, the routine. I ran the Twin Cities 10 mile race once before, back in 2005, and I 'trained' for about 4 weeks, and was pleasantly surprised to do much better then I had planned, finishing so much sooner then I EVER thought possible that my then boyfriend and roommate hadn't even left Dunn Brothers Coffee yet to meander over to the finish line at the Capital to watch me come in. I was so startled that by actually following a training program of some sort my body could actually perform better in a running race. Why this was such a realization to me I'm not sure. I have spent most of my life engaged in some sort of competitive sport or another, swimming on youth swim teams and then in high school, and cross country skiing in college. In all of these sports I 'trained' with the goal of performing well in certain events, peaking at the right times, and improving strength, agility, speed, and fitness over time. However, never during all those years of activity did I really stop to think about an overall training plan. I had coaches who told me what to do, and I didn't question it, I just showed up at practice, put in my time, and did my best and meets and races. I had known how to swim and ski since I was very young, and I knew I could ski or swim, even if I hadn't gone for a while, but runnning- oh no- running was a whole different beast. And now, as a funtional adult, done with school, and laden with the associated responsibilities, I was suddenly my own coach, and thus my own source of knowledge and training.

As I said in my profile, I have run most of my life, but never considered myself a runner. In my first year of law school I started running more as a way to jump start my weight loss and get exercise. By the summer before law school I had already lost 30 lbs (with 30ish more to go)...and had plateaued for a while-though thrilled that that I was leaving my heavier self behind. I wanted something more intense to help shake things up. So I went to Run-n-Fun, my favorite running store in the Twin Cities and oogled the running clothes and gear and bought a fresh pair of Asiacs. That was the first time I remember actually 'thinking' about running for running's sake. Not merely as a means of getting to point A to point B faster, or as part of a team workout, but to just go running. I started running 2-3 times a week, and to my amazement I really liked just running alone, running in its pure form. It definately helped with the continued weight loss and toned my legs in ways skiing never did. I kept running up during law school as a way to stay sane and to keep losing weight, although that got a little harder in law school! It required minimal equipment, and I could usually get on a treadmill when I couldn't read any more case law. I started running some 5Ks, the Get in Gear, the Race for the Cure, and found myself thinking more about times and pace and splits. However, I still didn't really consider myself an athlete, I think because I was heavier, and had always been a heavier athlete. At that point, in my mind athletes were for the most part lean, toned, women who looked amazing in spandex and ran in just a sports bra. And I didn't fit the part. I knew I was fit, but an athlete?

During my last year of law school I was waitressing at Sydney's restaurant on Grand Avenue and had the fortune of working the breakfast shift the morning of the Twin Cities marathon. I stood on the sidewalk on that misty morning, remembering watching the marathon as a college student at Macalester as the runners inched up Summit Avenue, and I thought...hmmm, could I do this?! To say you had run a marathon, how cool would that be! I knew I had endurance, I knew I was tough, I have skied many 20-30 Kilometer races in my life, some while fitter then others, and several in severely cold, sub-zero temperatures. I had endured numb and frozen fingers and toes, gotten frostbite on my chin and hips, and still lived to talk about it (and still liked skiing after all that!). But, running 26.2 miles....that sounded hard, and, unlike nordic skiing, there is NO glide in running.

That was about two years ago. I (wisely) decided that training for a marathon and studying for the bar exam was probably not a good idea, so I put it off. After the bar exam my amazing friend Kim joined Team in Training and ran the Rock N Roll Marathon in Arizona-she is truly one of the most amazing people I know. I thought, if she could do it while juggling a job, a 2 hour commute, a kid, a spouse, and a house, I could to, with only myself and a cat to really feel responsible for. So, I signed up for Team in Training, to do the San Diego Marathon, thinking it would help me get in shape ( I was hoping for an engagement ring sometime soon). However, I quickly realized that dealing with relationship stress, trying to find a job post law school, recover from the bar exam (ie. figure out my life) and training for a marathon didn't mix well. I promptly got injured from trying to run too far, too fast, too soon and ended up with tendonitis in my right foot for 6 months. The best part of that whole experience was I ended up buying my first pair of Keen shoes in desperation at REI because they were the only shoes I could find with removable insoles so I hobble around in my orthodics, and I've been hooked since.

Fast forward to the Winter of 2006. The snowfall in the mid-west had been pitiful. I found myself once again uninspired to ski or train for skiing when the snow nearby was so pathetic. Not having the time to travel long distances to snow and being sick of losing entry fee money to races not happening due to the warmth I began to hazily think of another challenge. In the meantime my sister and I basically scared each other into entering the American Birkibeiner. We were nordic skiers after all. Skiing the Birkie was like going on a searching for the holy grail, something you had to do, something to legitimize your committment to the skiing world, or at least we thought it might instill us with a new found love for skiing and inspire us to train. I had skied the Korteloppet (the half Birkie) in college, and whiled I was exhausted at the end, I felt sort of disappointed that I wasn't doing the whole thing (sort of like when I did the Twin Cities 10 mile run on marathon weekend). However, with minimal snow to ski on that winter, and my sister finishing her last semester of nursing school, sking the glorious Birkie didn't quite work out. As fate would have it, the Birkebeiner approached and I hadn't really trained. Now, even though I knew I could ski for several hours and probably emerge unscathed and still smiling, I knew it would be too fun-we're talking about a 56 K ski race. I knew I should have put in a whole lot more training then I did. In the end, my sister got sick, and I think we both just felt too tired (and probably lazy) and uninspired to drive to Wisconsin and ski on not so great snow for no official results. They ended up not officially timing the race because of the poor conditions, so we could have just gone up for a nice ski. But, for us the whole point was to be able to go all that way and finally ski down the streets of Hayward, WI and cross the finish line...so that challenge will have to wait. I am still waiting for my change to ski down Hennepin Ave in Minneapolis to finish the Lake Loppet. (one year canceled, last year I dropped out due to painfully freezing my hands close to death! Lesson Learned: Never re-warm your hands in the warming hut and then keep skiing. Your gloves will freeze solid with your hands inside of them, which results in a lot of pain and an inability to even hold your ski poles. Not my idea of a good time. )

So, I decided to find something close to home. I decided this was the time to finally do it. I signed up for Grandma's marathon, and so did my sister. I was still worried about the training, because I knew I couldn't just run all the time. My past experiences had taught me that my body did best with lots of cross training, and less running. My friend Hilary told me about Jeff Galloway's method of run/walking. As soon as I read his book I knew it was the golden ticket for me and marathoning. I followed his training plan and did run/walk on all the long runs. Since it was the dead of Minnesota winter, running outside for hours at a time did not always appeal to me. I had finally bought a treadmill and was learning about the joys of watching tv while you run. Who knew! I watched episode after episode of Sex and the City, and any action movie I could find. Charlie's Angels and Mr. & Mrs. Smith were my favorites.

I soon realized that I didn't think I could run much farther then 12 miles on my treadmill alone or I would go crazy in the stuffy little apartment workout space where my treadmill was stowed. I had just started posting on a marathon message board on weight watchers.com when a woman on the board (Thanks Supermel!) suggested I check out the Salubrious Running Club. It was the best suggestion I ever got. I joined, took their first marathon class, and couldn't believe how fun it was to run with a group and have support! Marathon day came and I knew I had trained and I was ready. I surpassed my expectations and finished under 5 hours, to my utter astonishment (again finishing so much faster then I had planned that my husband did an about face and sprinted back towards the finish line as he heard them announce my name) I still run with Salubrious and love the community and friends I have made there.

The sneaky kicker to all of this was that you had to sign up for the Twin Cities Marathon before you had even completed Grandma's Marathon and could decide if you would ever wanted to do a marathon again! Taking Jeff Galloway's advice, to wait at least a week before you decide if you'll do another marathon, I figured why not. I didn't have to run it...what was the harm in signing up? The $85 entry fee would probably motivate me to do it anyway!

In training for Grandma's marathon, I thought it would be a great way to lose the last bit of weight I was hoping to shed. I thought it would be so easy! How wrong I was. I ended up gaining at least 5-7 lbs training for Grandma's marathon, leaving me (still) with about 10 more to go to lose. This time around, training for Twin Cities I decided to focus on losing weight, and maybe not run quite so much. Things were going well, however in the last month, I've faced many challenges. My injured foot from Grandma's training has flared up and my knee has been bothering me. I've been running less so I wasn't sure why. My food choices weren't so healthy and I think portion control temporarily was forgotten. Perhaps the long runs were harder because my base was different? I'm not sure why, but so far I haven't had a good long run. I've also been doing more running on a treadmill which I'll have to stop.

So, with only 4 weeks to go before I venture back out into this marathon thing, my goals are to cross training more, eat healthy foods to fuel my body and prevent injury. I'm already looking forward to taking off after this marathon and focusing on other active pursuits, and maybe, oh, another marathon....

Today I went on a wonderful hour long bike ride along the Gateway trail. We had the most beautiful weekend here in Minnesota. I'm glad I got to take advantage of it.

The First Post-Is this thing on?

2007-09-09T19:40:00.000-07:00

So, I've been thinking about doing this for sometime, setting up a blog. What would I say? Would anyone read it? Did I even want anyone else to read it? My original idea was to start one as I was training for my first marathon, but now that's over and done with and I'm hooked. With only 4 weeks to go until my second marathon, I began to think that having a place to go to write down my thoughts, document my days, etc., would be nice. And since I can type a hell of a lot faster then I can write (thanks to three years of law school lectures) a blog seemed the best approach.

I always liked journaling, but my hand seriously just got tired. And I tended to journal mostly when times were tough, when I was really wrestling with things in my life. I thought it would be nice to have a more accessible way to reflect on my life, my day, etc. It was always very illuminating when I would read through old journals, full of angst, self-inward examination and questioning, when as I read, the answers and choices I should make seemed so obvious evident. But a lot of the positive and good stuff was missing and forgotten. Occasionally I would come upon entries of wonderful, funny things that has happened in my life that I had forgotten, and I loved that. My mother I'm sure would be horrified that I've decided to post something personal on the internet, but I think it will be somewhat cathartic and freeing. Why I feel the need to explain why I have a blog I'm not sure, but I guess I had to convince myself that it was a rationale, reasonable idea- I am after all a lawyer. So, here I am, about to document my goals, my days, my experiences.

I already wish I had started this so long ago. There are so many retroactive posts I want to write! But you have to start somewhere......